My life is complex.

I think,

2009-11-24T11:04:00.000-08:00

That things have gotten really funny and I love my life right now.

I don't love it a lot but it's okay for nowww (:

,.

2009-11-20T09:06:00.000-08:00

This is going to be a fun day.

I am a pro at thissss (:

Yeeeah,,

2009-11-12T13:57:00.000-08:00

I don't like today.

I started Prozac last night and like I know it can't work now, but like I wish it did.

I was focused in school a lot more today, then I ever have before.

But still,,

Today is just bad on it's own,

Mj is mad at me.

Things have changed,

2009-11-11T09:20:00.000-08:00

And I don't know if it is for the good or the bad?

I went to the doctor and I am being put on anti-depressants, and I have to go to a psychologist every week. And I also have to go to rehab.

Things will Mj are okaay, and that is the only thing that I am happy about.

I just don't know if I can do this anymore,.

I hate,

2009-11-06T19:45:00.000-08:00

Life.

I was talking to Mj today, and he was just like "Wow, you're emoish."

Well uh really!?

Dumbass,

He is the only thing that is keeping me together, and making me not want to kill myself, more than I already want to !

And he is doing a really bad job,.

For the first time in my life,

2009-11-04T16:18:00.000-08:00

I really think that I am going to be okay.

I told my parents about my depression and drug addiction.

I got the nerve to tell them because Mj and I are over with and I just want to be truly happy again,,

It'll take time of course, but I think that I will be okay.

Btw, Brett is the bestest :)

This is for,

2009-11-03T18:39:00.000-08:00

Erin Richards. I hope you're happy.

Um, today didn't go so well.

Well it did at first, but then it just spiraled down and I don't like it.

Mj won't talk to me, wow. Wonder why,?

I hate people. Especially boys.

Yeah..

2009-10-14T18:00:00.000-07:00

Things with Mj aren't so good today. But whatev, it's making me realize things that I should've along time ago.

Things with Matt, oh yeah I haven't mentioned him, well he's a different Matt, they are pretty good (:

I just want things with Mj to get better because I really do love him and I want him to know that even if he doesn't love me back because of Renee. I hate her. Like yeah whatever. I'm cool with her I guess, but like I want Mj and I want her not to have him.

:/

Happy.

2009-10-02T13:10:00.000-07:00

I'm finally happy.

Grandma and Grandpa would be proud (:

:'((

2009-09-17T14:21:00.001-07:00

My grandpa died last Thursday at 1:33 Am.

And my grandma died today at 7:00 Am.

Losing two grandparents is hard. But in exactly a week.. Harder than you could ever imagine.

This isn't fair. At all.

So um yeah.

2009-09-01T18:46:00.000-07:00

Things with Matt are okay. I guess.

He apparently broke up with Megan, which yeah i'm kinda excited about, but like yeah. They broke up. That's sad.

And like he was like "I wanna ask you a question when we hang out tomorrow" and I was just was like yeah okay sure. But like I know what it's about and I want to say yes to him, but I don't know if I can because of everything that has happened between us.

/:

/:

2009-08-24T10:48:00.000-07:00

Things right now are not the best that they can be, but im okay with that.

Allison finally moved away and that is SO depressing, it isn't even funny.

Things with Matt are like ehh. We are talking but that is pretty much it. And im okay with that. I guess..

I just want everything to be okay again.

So,

2009-08-17T18:19:00.000-07:00

I had a breakdown yesterday. I just couldn't take the pain anymore. And I just started to cry. A lot. And I ended up having an asthma attack from it. It was horrible.

I read Matts and Megans myspaces' today, and like everything seems so perfect between them, and then when I thought about it, everything "behind closed doors" like in reality, everything was/is so not perfect. Far from it. And the bad thing is that Megan doesn't know anything about Matt and I, and I want to tell her SO BAD, but I don't want to mess this thing between the two of them up because they are like what everyone wants in life.

Just to have someone that they can love. Truly love.

:'(

2009-08-16T08:07:00.000-07:00

I just want everything to be okay again.

Like before.

My..

2009-08-12T16:16:00.000-07:00

Life sucks. A lot.

This with Matt are really hard. Everytime we make plans, he blows them off. And the worst part is that he won't tell me that he can't hang out, he will just stop texting me. That sucks.

And I have also decided that I am going to tell Megan about Matt cheating on her. But I am not going to tell her that it's me, I am just going to be anonymous.

I don't want him hurting me anymore, but I certainly don't want him to hurt Megan, considering that they are going out.

):

Ummmm.

2009-07-26T18:36:00.000-07:00

People are really annoying me right now.

Some in general are okay, but most aren't.

Whatever.

Haven't.

2009-07-20T14:30:00.000-07:00

Been on here in a while.

Uh well Matt and I haven't talked in three weeks,

And he has chosed Megan over Me.

It's like i'm living the whole Brett and I thing all over again:(

It sucks, a lot.

In Cabo.

2009-07-04T11:25:00.000-07:00

Right now. Having a lot of fun.

Trying to remember why I like him.

Oh yeah, he's hott with a great personality.

Too bad he's taken.

Going to stop thinking about this now.

Coming back tomorrow.

Sick.

2009-06-27T12:55:00.000-07:00

Again.

Like that's a surprise.

Matt's coming over this weekend.

We'll see what happens.

Even though he is still going out with that skank of a gf.

OMFG!

2009-06-26T17:02:00.000-07:00

She is soo ugly!

Why the hell is he going out with her?

That's soo confusing.

She probably puts out.

Probably?

She does!!

I am.

2009-06-23T14:09:00.000-07:00

Going to get him back.

He, out of the blue, texted me yesterday and he was like "Hey, whats up?"

And when I got it, I was in shock because he has been an ass lately.

And then last night, he was like "Hey do you want to hang out tom?"

And I was like sure, but he never texted back. But oh well, he always does that.

Ugh, why do things have to be sooo complicated!?

But I am going to try my ass of to get him back.

Uh.

2009-06-22T11:46:00.000-07:00

Wow, I haven't really been on here in awhile.

Matt and I are over, even if I wish, a lot, that we weren't.

I will get him back, but I will have to actually try.

I don't want to be without him, but I don't think I can be with him.

Oh, choices choices choices.

=]

2009-06-14T17:58:00.000-07:00

Good day today, better one tomorrow.

Matt is just amazing.

My friends are amazing=]

Wow.

2009-06-13T08:01:00.000-07:00

I think that I am getting too attached, oh well.

Better now, then too late.

=]

Yesterday.

2009-06-11T08:15:00.000-07:00

Was really fun.

But I am incredibly sore.

Oh well, =]

(OMFG, hot!)

Blah, Blah.

2009-06-06T12:49:00.000-07:00

Um my life is so boring, now that there is little to no drama.

I guess that I am addicted to it.

And I guess that one person, made all of it for me.

Too bad that person is gone.

I don't think I can handle this, but...

2009-05-31T09:05:00.000-07:00

"God doesn't give us more than we can handle."

And I guess in my case, that's alot.

Shoot.

2009-05-30T15:18:00.001-07:00

Me, please.

I don't want these things to happen,

But they are going to anyways.

Today I.

2009-05-28T18:23:00.000-07:00

Felt like I was going to shoot myself in the head.

Today was just too painful.

Ah!

Uh.

2009-05-27T15:20:00.001-07:00

Screw you?

Why do things?

2009-05-26T17:56:00.000-07:00

Have to be this way.

It's too depressing.

Why can't you just tell me this stuff yourself?

Some.

2009-05-24T07:16:00.001-07:00

Call it fate.

I call it hell.

Um um.

2009-05-22T20:43:00.000-07:00

I thought for a second today while I was taking medicine,

That I would be happier if I wasn't living, that I would over dose, and then I thought,

"Hey, would anyone really care that I would be gone?"

Then I thought, "Nah, why would they?"

I'm doing okay.

2009-05-21T19:05:00.000-07:00

But I could be better.

I have been sick for about a week now and all I am doing is getting worse.

I had a fever today, second day in a row. But I am still going to school.

Anyways, I got my new phone today, it brings back memories.

Bad ones.

Things were.

2009-05-19T16:16:00.001-07:00

Really fun today, even though I may not have liked everyone.

Now that is over, I can think about more important things.

But that means I have to actually face everything.

=[

I guess that.

2009-05-18T15:06:00.000-07:00

Thinking is bad.

Especially for me.

I shouldn't do it anymore.

It only hurts me.

Doing.

2009-05-17T11:52:00.000-07:00

Horrible.

I have a fever of 104.

Well, things are not doing so good anyways, it just adds to the whole horrible-ness.

This is just a bad month for me.

Too bad nothing good happens.

Not.

2009-05-15T14:05:00.001-07:00

Doing so good.

But oh well.

Going to have fun tonight.

I'm sick.

2009-05-14T17:12:00.000-07:00

Again.

Big surprise there?

I literally spend more time sick, than I do being healthy.

Oh well.

Funny.

2009-05-13T16:29:00.003-07:00

I had a really great day today.

And of course, the ride home was the best, lol.

Well.

2009-05-11T15:52:00.000-07:00

Things were a little better today.

And my hand hurts so bad.

I think that I regret hurting her, maybe.

Why?

2009-05-10T11:36:00.000-07:00

Can't I just get over this right now?

I just wish that it didn't come in waves.

I think it would be a lot easier if it didn't.

But I did figure out a way to deal with my anger. And sadness.

Yesterday during the hockey game, I fought a girl because she accidentally tripped me.

I broke her nose and there was a lot of blood, mine and hers.

It probably wasn't the best thing to do, but it sort of helped.

=[

This is.

2009-05-09T17:51:00.000-07:00

Harder than I would ever had expected.

=[

My life sucks.

2009-05-08T13:41:00.000-07:00

I hate it. Oh well.

I will move on.

She is probably a skank anyways.

Um things are.

2009-04-30T16:49:00.000-07:00

Weird right now. But I don't want to think about it. So things with Allison are way better. And I am so happy for her. It made my day a whole lot better.

Still sick, I have been sick for a whole week, and I can tell that things are just going to get worse.

AH!

I.

2009-04-28T17:25:00.000-07:00

Don't feel good at all. I literally cough every five seconds. and the sad thing is that I am not exaggerating one bit. But on the bright side, things in general are getting sort of better. But I still need to change a few things.

I'm.

2009-04-24T19:51:00.000-07:00

Sick, and I feel terrible.

I don't.

2009-04-22T14:13:00.000-07:00

Want to talk right now. Maybe to the people that I like to talk to right now. But no one else.

I hate.

2009-04-21T04:34:00.000-07:00

People right now. Nobody can keep their mouths shut. I guess all they can do is talk about me, and I guess I am fine with it because I can't really do any thing about it. So, talk all you want about me in front of me, or behind my back. I don't care anymore.

Why.

2009-04-20T15:33:00.000-07:00

Can't everybody just be happy. I mean this feels like it is turned completely around because someone used to always tell me to be happy, I now you need to be happy. Things will all be fine in the end. I promise, and I will make sure of it.

Wow. That was...

2009-04-18T17:02:00.000-07:00

Pretty fun. I had a great time and it was actually the first time I had actual fun like that. I am glad I went.

Just Wondering.

2009-04-17T15:41:00.000-07:00

Why are things this way? I just want to know.

Eh.

2009-04-14T13:49:00.000-07:00

Today was nothing special. I really think that I need to think these things over before I make any irrational decisions. I think that I will just forget about this for now and do something else.

...

2009-04-13T14:41:00.001-07:00

Things are going to get interesting.

Things.

2009-04-11T11:39:00.000-07:00

Are weird right now. I just need time to think this over. I don't want to be mean, but things can't go on this way.

Um wow.

2009-04-09T15:16:00.000-07:00

Nothing special happened today. Maybe a few things, but okay.

Today.

2009-04-06T14:33:00.000-07:00

Was funny and weird. Thank god it is almost over.

I'm doing.

2009-04-04T13:02:00.000-07:00

Better than I was yesterday. Things just got out of control and I just wanted to go away from the world for a little bit just to clear my thoughts. And I did. I guess that sometimes I just need to back away from things and let them happen and I shouldn't interfere. So that's it.

Let's see.

2009-04-04T11:51:00.000-07:00

I'm done.

Erin & Ian.

2009-04-02T08:32:00.000-07:00

Ian, you can read this all the hell you want to, but don't feel that I am going to answer any questions for you or that you can just take this out of context, it is what it is. And stop trying to be all high and mighty and think that you can control Allison, she can choose who she wants to. You need to stop thinking that she is going to choose you and that you control her. And Erin, if you want to be friends fine, I want to be friends too, but I am not going to do everything while you sit around and complain about me doing nothing. And stop talking to everybody else about this, it is NONE of their business. And don't have people ask me questions that you want answers for. Ask them yourself and if you can't do that, then you must not want to know the answers very well.

Today was like weird.

2009-03-31T14:37:00.000-07:00

Right now I am like fake mad at Allison. It is pretty fun that she is taking this so seriously. Things are just getting out of control and Ian really just needs to give up. If Allison wants to be on his side, then fine, go right ahead. I really don't care anymore. I have given up. And Erin should just give up too. She expects me to talk to her and settle things, why can't she. It is like impossible for her to be a sensible person and actually fess up. Well, she is too self-conceited for that.

That was so fun.

2009-03-26T18:45:00.001-07:00

Wow, me and Allison and Ryne went to Chicago today and it was so fun. We went walking all around town and now my feet are killing me. We went to the Apple Store, Urban Outfitters, and Navy Pier. And many other places and we also went to this like Italian Bistro and it was really good. At Navy Pier we went on the faris wheel and Allison and Ryne were spitting at the people below us. And as well, the train ride back was soo much fun. All I can say is that people thought that we were incredibly weird!

Having trouble.

2009-03-25T16:51:00.000-07:00

Remembering who I am, and who I was. I just want things to be back to normal because right now things are just so confusing and I am having trouble remembering which way is up. And I think that I am losing sight of what I should be doing, and saying and everything of that sort. I just have to stay confident and I have to believe in myself and I just have to know that things are going to turn out well.

Wow.

2009-03-23T08:21:00.001-07:00

I am pretty sure that things just got worse. I have to deal with this because I am a big part of it, but I just want to forget about it and just move on, but I know that isn't going to happen. I just have to live with what is happening and I just have to work to get over this. It is going to be long and hard, and I know that things aren't going to turn out the way that I want them to, but that is just how things work. When things are over, I am going to forget what happened, and move on because that is all I can do.

That's it.

FML.

2009-03-22T19:11:00.000-07:00

So, my spring break is like getting off to a really bad start. The first thing is that Brett totally thinks that I am lying about the whole Erin thing. He thinks this because apparently I want him to get mad at Kacy so they will break up and I will like have him all to myself or something, and that is totally NOT true. He is just being paranoid. Secondly, I had to call 911, again, because my grandpa collapsed. And that was incredibly scary. Third of all, right now I have food poisoning. And this really sucks because I don't know if I will be better in time to go to Chicago with Allison, Ryne, and Brooke. But there is like one good thing that has happened so far, and that is that I finally convinced my parents into letting play hockey, and I am really extremely excited about that. I cannot believe that that has been the highlight of my spring break so far, but I guess that I still have more time to turn things around.

Ugh!

2009-03-20T15:06:00.000-07:00

My mom won't let me start hockey practice because she is like "You need to spend more time on swimming and less on hockey." Blah blah blah. And I just like want to scream because I want to do hockey so bad, it's not even funny. It is like torturing me not to be on the ice. AH!!

Haha.

2009-03-18T14:11:00.000-07:00

My life is too funny. I just can't believe that all this stuff is happening to me. First of all, BEACON was incredibly funny, and I laughed too much. Second of, Allison did the right thing, even if she may not know it now. Haha, and many people are like talking to me like I am going to kill myself, which it totally not true. Wow, don't I just live a great life?

AH!

2009-03-17T13:49:00.001-07:00

I talked today to someone and Allison was very proud of me, even though I didn't really say anything important. I guess that it was a step. I just want things to be back to normal. I just want things to be over with and I just want to be able to talk and have things back to normal! Why isn't life just fair to everyone? I want to stop obsessing over that bad and forget about it, and just focus on what can be good.

Well,
Life isn't fair.
We can't always get what we want.

My life.

2009-03-16T13:42:00.001-07:00

Is boring.

I guess that I am getting happier.

2009-03-15T15:15:00.000-07:00

My doctor put me on anti-depressants because he feels that I need them. Putting me on them isn't going to get rid of what is making me depressed, so why take them? Well, because it makes feel better about myself, a little I guess. They will just make me fake happy. But I guess that is better than being sad all the time. They make me feel happy, but I know that the feelings are just fake, and that me being happy is actually me just being medicated.

Fake happy is better than sad.
Not as good as real happy.
But I know that isn't going to happen.

Eh. I guess I am feeling a little better about this.

2009-03-13T13:53:00.000-07:00

I was wondering about this today. What if things went exactly the way you wanted them to go? Then life would be perfect, right? But then I thought, nothing is perfect. So things can never go the way you plan them to go and things can not always go without surprise or shock. And in a way I am saying that I am pretty content with my life because it keeps me on my toes and sometimes I am surprised by the way some things go, but that is life and I just have to live with it. And basically, I want things to go better, but then again, if they change, it would just be normal. Lol.

PS. Ily Allison, haha.

I am starting to feel a little better.

2009-03-12T17:55:00.000-07:00

I just realized that, even though I do have a lot to be depressed about, I still have some things to be happy about, I guess. Of all the friends that I have left, which is not many, they are still really amazing. I mean if they have not gone to Erin by now, I do not assume that they will go any time soon. Or at least I hope not. The friends that I do have are the best things in my life, and I should really be thankful that they keep me alive. The people that I care about the most are always going to be there for me, and if they wind up leaving, well then they were not really the people that I thought I cared about in the first place.

I am too stressed all the time.

2009-03-12T14:30:00.000-07:00

I have too many things to deal with right now. I just want to get them over with, even though I know that they won't change any time soon. Things are going too bad right now, and I just want them to go my way. But they won't, and for that, I just want to like cry.

My life is too stressful.

2009-03-11T16:44:00.000-07:00

My life is just way to stressful. My sister just had a MAJOR seizure and she is just laying there, so helpless. And things with Erin are just going way out of control. And this has just pushed me over the edge. This is just too much for me. It is too hard for me to deal with.

I hate my life.

2009-03-10T14:52:00.000-07:00

Why did I have to end up here? I would rather be somewhere else. I dont't want to be here, so why leave me? Ugh, I hate my life. I would rather have someone else's than mine. I don't want to live my life anymore. I would much rather lay in a corner, and then die.

OMG!

2009-03-09T16:21:00.000-07:00

Why can't my life just be simple? It has to be so confusing and difficult to control at times. I am going to hate tomorrow because I just think that things got worse and I am not really willing to face tomorrow quite yet. Why can't it just be over and done with? I have given up, so why can't she?

My life is soo amazingly not boring.

2009-03-09T14:38:00.000-07:00

My life is so amazing. Right now, I mean that in a bad way. Things aren't going too well in my life and everything is just out of control. You certainly wouldn't want to have a life like mine.

PS. Allison Paige Blair is like the most amazing person I have ever met.
I may have embellished a little on that. Lol.